|just a little bitching and complaining.
||[Jul. 12th, 2006|10:17 pm]
alright. so im going to be 20 in 11 days. yah. i definately thought i would be in a difference place by the age of 20 than i am now. im not necessarily complaining. its just an observation. now that being said, i really don't know what i was picturing for myself by the time i was 20. i just know: this isn't it. sigh. yah, i really have no idea what i had potentially thought i would be doing. i just have the feeling that i have let myself down. ...like i could be doing something else. something more. but i can't quite put my finger on it. i just rememer watching tv shows and movies with girls in them who were like 19 or 20 and they led the most awesome and appealing lives. i remember thinking that when i was 20 (or even 19) my life would be just as fun and exciting.
well that is definately not that case. i am almost 20 years old, home from college and i have definately not gone to one party since ive been home. i have been to one bar and that was with people from work after a shift. so i really don't think that counts. i hardly go out. when i do, its to movies or the mall, or for late lunches with friends....hardly what i was seeing in the movies and tv shows. basically i watch a lot of tv and talk on msn, when im not working, which isn't often.
every weekend my bf comes down. im definately not complaining about that. but after working all weekend, i think he actually spends more time with my Mum and Dad than with me. sad eh? its stupid though, bc if i work a dinner shift and get off aroun 10ish, im usually tired from work and don't feel like doing much. and if i work the lunch shift i start around 1030-11, so i don't want to go out too late because i have to work the next morning. so either way im screwed. ive just started a second job, so hopefully ill actually work longer than 2-3 hours at a time. but with two jobs, well, there goes my social life - not like i had much of one anyways. so there is no way ill be going out, even though im sure it wont be much of an option anyways.
so i duno, maybe its just me but this is definately not what i was expecting my life to be like at 19 going on 20 years old. those tv shows and movies made it seem like all people did at my age was go out and party and go to bars. well, i dont know about other people my age, but i am definately let down by those false standards set by the movies.
so maybe its the night after night i spend watching tv at home that has made me realize: i never go out. i love going out. strange huh?i went out soo much in college. but not now. i think i went out more last summer by this time that i have this summer. amanda and i are different, no doubt about that. but even with other people. other than her i don't really converse with the same people as i did last summer, atleast not as much as i did then. martin and i talk .... every so often. adam and i... same deal, occassionaly. erin and i, hah, never. she kept saying yah we'll get together and leave it at that. well you know what hunny? im not wasting my time trying to hang out with someone who can't be bothered to call and say hi. i guess it just seems that i don't go out as much bc i spent so much time hanging out with amanda last summer. and really... not so much this summer. stacie is back in burlington. back not often at all, so its kinda hit and miss there. and sam.. im not even going to go there.
i guess ive come to a point where i only have a few close friends... after high school i was going out with so many different people... and we've all, quite understandable, drifted apart. which is going to happen. its what happens. not many people stay close with those they went to high school with, only a few usually. but now, after college, those few close friends are in barrie. its wierd though, because cal is still best friends with the same guys he was with in high school. maybe my circle of friends back then wasn't as close as i thought. a couple of weekends a go i went to cals' friends cottege. a friend from high school. all the people there were people he went to high school with. it just amazed me. from high school i still talk to stacie, and kristine mainly. some other people off and on. how sad? i obviously talk to other people from burlington, but thats its from my own high school. i guess thats what happens when you move 2 hours away to go to college.
bah... ive definately needed this. just some bitching and complaining.
so heres the question: is it just me, or is my life actually as uneventful, back in burlington, as it seems?