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(no subject) [Apr. 9th, 2007|01:06 pm]
life is getting better. much better.


I understand why you're looking for tears in my eyes
Trust me they were there but now the well has been dried
I was in so deep but couldn’t get out
I sat on feelings I buried deep down
I knew there come a day when all eyes would cross
And glad its today cause now I am strong

I’m happy and I can thank myself
If it were up to you I’d be in my bed crying
But I’m happy and I know that makes you sad
After all the things you put me through
I’m finally getting over you

I’m happy, I’m happy

There is a reason why we met, I’m glad that we did
But when we broke up, I got back a part of me I really missed
They say you that you brought me down all the time
There were moments I lived without light on my side

I’m happy and I can thank myself
If it were up to you I’d be in my bed crying
But I’m happy and I know that makes you mad
After all the things you put me through
I’m finally getting over you

All the bitterness has passed
And I only wish you
Someone who could do what I can’t

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(no subject) [Mar. 29th, 2007|10:32 pm]
ah.. the notebook, the ultimate sappy  movie... i <3 it

"They didn't agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday...but in spite their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other."
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(no subject) [Mar. 26th, 2007|07:29 am]
"My Happy Ending"

So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do [CD version]
All the stuff that you do [radio edited version]

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be


It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

[Chorus x2]

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

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(no subject) [Mar. 25th, 2007|09:05 am]
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweatpants and who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

No guy but one is worth your tears, and when you meet the one, he wont make you cry.

thats what i use to have. what happened? this isn't fair.
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florida on thursday!!!!!!! [Feb. 20th, 2007|06:54 pm]
so snow moot was great. it was awesome seeing kris, colin, heather, jackie and john. sean, well its complicated.  matt, a guy, from ventures came too, as our rover advisor. yay. i hadn't seen him in like... 5 yrs probably. its strange though, because he seemed so much the same... just the way i remembered him, only older ofcourse.  so kris and i got talking... did we appear the same to him? like we didn't think he had changed too much... but we both think we have. so have we? its wierd. i'd like i think ive changed. or grown up somewhat. i obviously have some of the same habits i did in highschool. but i don't know. maybe id just like to think ive changed.  anyways... this year we actually played some of the games and activities during the day on saturday, then we did the car rally as usual. it was great. it was heather, kris, matt, jackie and me doing it. the dance was a blast also. colin had to leave after dinner, but he made it back later that night for the dance. it seemed to die down really quickly though. hmm. oh well. still a good time. sunday we left early bc of the church parade and kris and i had to get back to school.  sunday was spenting doing laundry and sleeping. i studied a bit... not as much as i was hoping. but yah.  so im back in burlington now. yay.  i kinda wish i had stayed in barrie another night though, to see cal since i wont see him for  a while. cal and  i are better. atleast i hope so. i talked to him today, kind of. it was on msn, so yah. enough said. but i vented. and cried. but nothing is new with me crying. i just feel bad, bc it seems like i am always frustrated about something, and im scared one of these days my luck is goin to run out and he is goin to say goodbye. which i hope doesn't happen. i <3 him.   ......... stacie is commin by tonight though. ya drinking, probably. lol. tomorrow is a laundry and packing day. i hate having to come home and do laundry so nothing smells like smoke. ew. ew. ew.  but i am soo excited about going to florida for reading week. yay. i leave bright and early thursday morning.
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(no subject) [Feb. 12th, 2007|02:23 pm]
Snow moot in like 4 days. omg i can't wait to get out of here. then i am back here for 3 days and then off to florida. so excited. i need time away. i wish camping was longer than a weekend though. oh well.  so ive decided  i am going to do my co-op while living at homein burlington so i don't have to pay rent and i can just save money for once.  so yah, i need to find a business to do a hr co-op at.... i have no idea where i want to do it, and i have no objections so far to anywhere either.  
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15% virgin [Feb. 2nd, 2007|08:27 pm]
so its been a while... 
cal and i just passed our one year mark. yah go us!. snow moot in a couple of weeks. then florida for reading week afterwards. not much is new... just figuring out where im goin to do my co-op placement for the summer... up here or in burlington... who knows. :S


So, Start with 100% and minus 1% for everything that you've done. Then repost as your __% virgin.

1. Smoked
2. Drank alcohol
3. Cried when someone died
4. Been drunk
5. Had sex
6. Been to a concert
7. Given a handjob/gotten a handjob
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody
11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend
15. Been to homecoming
16. Cried at school
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store
18. Went streaking
19. Given or received a lap dance
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room
21.Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over
22. Slept over at someone of the same sex's house
23. Kissed a stranger
24. Hugged a stranger
25. Went scuba diving
26. Driven a car
27. Gotten an x-ray
28. Hit by a car
29. Had a party
30. Done drugs
31. Played strip poker
32. Got paid to strip for someone
33. Ran away from home
34. Broken a bone
35. Eaten sushi
36. Bought porn
37. Watched porn
38. Made pornx
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex
40. Been in love
41. Frenched kissed
42. Laughed so hard you cried
43. Cried yourself to sleep
44. Laughed yourself to sleep
45. Stabbed yourself
46. Shot a gun
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day
48. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours
49. Been online for 9 consecutive hours
50. Watched an animal die
51. Watched a person die
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present
53. Pranked somebody
54. Put somebody in the hospital
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out
56.Kissed somebody of the same sex
57. Dressed punk
58. Dressed goth
59. Dressed preppy
60. Been to a motocross race
61. Avoided somebody
62. Been stalked
63. Stalked someone
64. Met a celebrity
65. Played an instrument
66. Ridden a horse
67. Cut yourself
68. Bungee jumped
69. Ding dong ditched somebody
70. Been to a wild party
71. Got caught stealing something
72. Kicked a guy in the balls
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend
74. Went out with your friend's crush
75. Got arrested
76. Been pregnant
77. Babysat
78. Been to another country
79. Started your house on fire
80. Had an encounter with a ghost
81. Donated your hair to cancer patients
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months
85. Sat on your butt all day
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself
87. Had a job
88. Gotten cut from a sports team
89. Been called a whore
90. Danced like a whore
91. Been mistaken for a celebrity
92. Been in a car accident
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes
94. Been told you have beautiful hair
95. Raped somebody
96. Danced in the rain
97. Been raped
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face
100. Kissed someone on the lips
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can't wait to go home and relax...... [Dec. 18th, 2006|10:45 pm]
[Current Location |barrie ... booerns. i hate this house]
[Tunes |the people downstairs fighting /the fray- how to save a life]

so things have gotten better. well for the most part. no more random crying. there is a lot of tension with the roomates though. long story, not typing it.  so im pretty much just trying to fix the problems there. and so far, ive been unsucessful. the girls have gone home already, but th boyfriend is still here. yay. not. he fustrates me so much. ugh. hopefully some sort of resolution will come soon.

on a happier note: this weekend was great. friday night, i went to cals when he got off work. brad and matt came by and we all hung out and drank. saturday i lazed around, went to the mall, then went to the queens with girls from school. it was awesome. i needed to get out and have fun so bad. i drank a lot, well a lot more than i had thought when i first left the bar. cal picked me up at 2, and apparently i was quite the handful. he said i was impossible to hold a conversation with bc i kept jumping to other topics and conclusions of what he was trying to say. then  when we got back to his house, he said i kept running upstairs and socializing with one of his roomies and her friends who were over.  cal was not amused... he wanted to sleep. i calmed down and literally passed out. apparently i ran into  his door frame and the basement door a few times... which would explain the bruise on my arm. but i hurt my knee somehow... who knows what i did. sunday  i did nothing! it was great. for once i could do nothing and not worry about getting behind with school work. yay.

so all this week i am working at near north. 830-5 everyday. and ofcourse cal works 5-1030... so i wont be seeing much of him before i go home. which really sucks. i have a feeling this week is going to go by quickly. i can't wait to go home and see my family and stacie!! haha. its been way too long.

so last week i went to milton for some testing for a job at a correctional institute. i hope i did well. i think i did well. i should be hearing back in a few weeks. *crosses fingers*  it would be awesome if i got a job. i want to work at the womens facility in milton. the recuiting officer who was there, said if all goes well and every stage in the process is completed in a timely mannor, the soonest i (and the other people there) would be in pre-employment training would be in may. ya. may. so i hope i pass everything and do well in the interview, then i am home free, bc i know i would pass the fitness testing.  whooo. 


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i'll be just fine pretending im not [Nov. 17th, 2006|11:09 pm]
[Feelin' so... |discontentdiscontent]

"I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes)"

Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my...
Hear your voice again
Could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been
Maybe you and me
So kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin

(I'm melting, I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while

And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me

Never caught my breath
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess
Ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
why cuts aren't healing
Learning how to love

I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
(Stay with me lay with me now)

You could stay and watch me fall
And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now
Take my hand
We could take our heads off
stay in bed just make love that's all
Just stay with me now

I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting

In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me lay with me
(Stay with me, lay with me)

In your eyes
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes (I'm melting in your eyes)
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes

i don't even know what is going on withe me anymore. these last couple months have taken quite the toll on me. i don't think i have ever cried so much before in my life. it seems like finally when something is going right, something else goes wrong. why does there always have to be a problem in my life.  its gotten to the point where sometimes i don't even know why i am crying any more... the tears just come pouring out and i can't control them. today alone, ive cried three times. i have never been so emotional before - ever. i'm supposed to be the strong one.well i was. i don't know whats going on with me. (make that 4 times today now)  im so fustrated and i don't even know what about anymore. its just everything. i love being in barrie with cal, but its like i can't adjust to my new program. and it shows. people have noticed that i am having a hard time. a girl in my class even suggested  seriously thinking about why i am here, bc she noticed (and others) that i am having a hard time, whether its bc of stress or something else.  i jsut don't know what to do anymore. i don't know how to handle it all. and i hate this feeling. ...like there is something always bothering me. it shouldn't be like this. i should be happy. its sad that ive gotten to the point where i don't know why i am crying, bc i am crying so much. i just, don't know what to do.
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update [Oct. 22nd, 2006|11:45 pm]
ok, again, i know ive been slacking. so in short since the end of the summer:
-ive moved to barrie, and started my HRM program
-i live about crack heads/dangerous drug dealers, literally... they have been evicted and will be out by the end of november
-im still with cal, yay, almost 9 months. go me
-i miss home
-ive had 2 nervous break downs bc of the stress i have been under
-i had 2 jobs plus full time school. one at the bar at my school and one at shoppers drugmart. 
-i quit the bar job bc it was full of bs.
-both my roomates are here now, plus one boyfriend. they are fun.
-ive made all new friends up here
-i saw the hip in concert. they were AMAZING!!
-ive saved up almost enough money for second semster rent, i am one month short. yay. ill get there.
-i missed thanksgiving at home bc i had to work. :(

yah... thats all i can think of right now.
so im done.
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